More About Our Programs

My certification in Business Etiquette from the Protocol School of Washington and my certification in Children’s Etiquette from the International School of Protocol in Baltimore will bring some new dimensions to the “Etiquette Ladies” comprehensive children’s programs. These age appropriate programs will provide your child/young adult with the building blocks necessary for a solid future through confidence, integrity and leadership in a fun and entertaining environment. Your child will learn social, dining, and communication skills to enable him or her to feel comfortable and confident in any situation and achieve maximum potential by building confidence in his or her social skills.

Our social etiquette programs for adults including: social, dining, tea and etiquette and wedding etiquette provide excellent opportunities in this exciting and developing business.

If you are passionate about civility and interested in starting your own etiquette business or know someone who would be, please call me at 1-866-696-1666. Our associate program includes all materials and training required to begin a business teaching children’s and social etiquette.

IN THIS ISSUE...

How are Your Wedding Etiquette Skills?

Click here to check your answers.

1. If you are a divorcee who is marrying again, your parents send out the invitations.
   No, the parents do not usually send the invitations – the couple does.

2. If children are invited to the wedding their names should go on the inside envelope under their parents names.
   Yes. If children are not mentioned on the invitation, they are not invited.

3. It is permissible to use nicknames or initials on invitations.
   No, names are used in full on invitations.

4. The bride’s parents should pay for the wedding.
   The rules for payment of the wedding are no longer strict. Today many of the costs of a wedding are shared by both sets of parents who may have a meeting and discuss who will pay for what.

5. The rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom’s parents.
   Usually it is, but it may be hosted by a relative, good friend, or even the couple themselves.

6. At the church, the front pew on the left is for the bride’s parents.
   True.

7. In the processional, the ushers are the first to come up the aisle, followed by the bridesmaids, maid and matron of honour, the flower girl and ring bearer and the bride on her fathers left arm.
   False. The bride is on her father’s right arm.

8. The matron of honour out ranks the maid of honour.
   True, and she walks closer to the bride in the procession up the aisle. She is escorted on the recessional by the best man.

9. Usually only the father of the bride stands in a receiving line.
   True. The father of the groom circulates the room making sure everyone is happy.

10. In a receiving line where both fathers are in line, the mother of the bride is the first to receive guests, then the father of the groom, the mother of the groom and father of the bride.
    No. The correct order is: mother of the bride, father of the bride, mother of the groom and father of the groom.

Tip of the Month

The main goal for any wedding is happiness, for the bride and groom, their families and friends. It is time to resolve all the infighting or injured feelings and make this event a celebration of the bride and grooms new life together.

Wedding Etiquette

Weddings today can be very complicated affairs. Perhaps there are cultural differences, encore marriages, changes in family structure, more than two sets of parents, children, spouses from previous marriages, in-laws, outlaws…Just compiling a guest list can be a nightmare. What do you do and where do you start?

The ideal wedding should be a reflection of who you are, your personal style and the life you have planned. The interests of all concerned should be kept in mind when you plan your wedding. Here are a few points to consider:

• Make your decisions based on enhancing and preserving the relationships in your life that are important.
• Your wedding should be the type of occasion that you, your family and quests will feel comfortable with.
• Include traditions that mean something to you, but not at the expense of causing a family rift.
• Be sensitive to family issues and use tact and discretion concerning stepparents and extended family.
• If including children or elderly guests, be cognisant of their needs and plan accordingly.
• Try to anticipate potential problems in advance and plan accordingly.

Raise Your Glass

The custom of raising glasses and toasting in one form or another; to love, friendship, health, wealth and happiness has been practised by almost every culture from the beginnings of recorded history. In the middle ages, goblets made of pewter were raised and clinked together hard enough that some wine from one glass would spill into the glass of the other. Each person was a "mutual taster" so this was a form of prevention against poisoning. Trustworthy friends soon dispensed with the "tasting" and merely clinked their glasses instead as a way to celebrate their trust in the other person.

Some historians hold that the clinking of glasses provided the noise that would keep evil spirits at bay. Harkening back to the days when people drank from a "loving cup," and shared one cup, clinking of glasses is considered today to be a "cheerful custom." It gives people pleasure because even though we are drinking from separate glasses, we reach out to one another and make contact just as if we were still one. (Russians go one step further and smash their glasses after a fervent toast). Because drinking wine is an action pleasing to four of the senses: taste, smell, touch and sight, clinking provides sound as well.

Having said that, clinking your glass is only a custom and you can choose to do it or not. It is really the gesture and warm wishes that go with the toast that are important. If the glass is raised, it doesn't need to be clinked. People often go overboard reaching across the table to touch another glass knocking over the table center or spilling their wine.

If you would prefer that your guests not clink your good crystal, then I would tell them the above story and say ‘We don’t need to fear any poisoning tonight and since our glasses are made of fine crystal, we aren't going to clink glasses tonight.

The biggest toasting faux pas is toasting yourself. That is, raising your glass when you are the person being toasted. You should remain seated, don’t raise your glass or drink from it, smile and say thank you.

Tea & Etiquette

Afternoon tea is rapidly replacing power lunches as executives are choosing to conduct business over a steaming cup of tea and a few delectable finger sandwiches. Busy Canadians are beginning to value tea drinking as an easy, relaxed way to entertain clients.

Afternoon tea is gaining appreciation among executives because it is lighter on the expense account, it involves less food and it doesn’t include alcohol. These qualities make it more appealing to those who don’t have a lot of time to spare but want a relaxing setting where business can be discussed with minimal interruption.

Family Dinner

A reader, Lorie Blundon, shares a wonderful story of the family dinner.

Growing up as a child, Sunday dinners were family dinner night in our house. This meant we all sat around the dining room table to eat. It also meant it was a chance for our parents to talk to us about all the things we had done wrong during the week. We got to the point where we would beg not to have to have family dinners and would opt for dinner watching Mutual of Omaha instead. While we hated the show, dad loved it, and that would mean less chance of getting into trouble.

We all take things from our childhood and say: “When I have children….” Well for me, this was one of them. I promised myself that family dinners would be every night and it would only be a time to share things about our day and a time to laugh and have fun. When my husband started working nights, I even made sure dinner was later, so we could still sit together. As my children got older, even if I had to work late and I would call home to say go ahead and eat without me, I would get home to see them waiting for me.

It became clear to me how important this was for all of us one night when both of my kids had done something inappropriate (I cannot even remember what it was) and I grounded them both to their bedrooms. As I do not believe in children going to bed without dinner, I had my husband take their dinner to them in their rooms. The cries that came from their bedrooms would have made you think I was killing them. The next day they both came up to me and said, “Mom, we know we were wrong, but next time, please take away TV, ground us from our friends, anything else, but please do not take our family dinners away.”

I was shocked, after all the types of groundings as parents we implement, hoping to find the one that works, who would have thought. But it also made me smile and feel all warm inside, because my children enjoyed this time and cherished it as a positive moment. My children are now 17 and 19 and this is still the most important part of our day. It is not a place for lectures or yelling, but one of sharing, having fun, brainstorming, stress relieving, laughing and most importantly, coming together as a family. This is not the place for negativity or judging. Communication is the key in any relationship, especially with teenagers.

Lorie brought up some very important issues in her story about the family dinner. What should have been a positive experience growing up, was turned into a negative experience because her parent used it as an opportunity to deal with negative issues and discipline. She recognized the benefits of the traditional family dinner, something of a rare experience in many busy families today, and turned it into a positive experience in her own family. Obviously one her children really appreciate and enjoy. Bravo to Lorie! If you have been missing the traditional family dinner in your home lately, why not commit to it this week, have everyone chip in to help and make it a real celebration of your family time together. (It’s also a good time to forget your Mac Manners and practice those real table manners too) - LF

Ruder Than Rude

We have all encountered rudeness in everyday life. Sometimes, however, there are situations which are so bad they are almost unbelievable.

This month, we are happy to announce the winner of our "Ruder Than Rude" Contest. The winner of "The Little Giant Encyclopedia of Etiquette" by Michael MacFarlane is T. Gordon of Orillia for a story from our first issue of Protocol Power. Here is the winning submission:

“I thought I was watching a real life re-run of the Claritin commercial where the couple are on their first date and when the fellow turns his head the girl takes out her upper plate and picks her teeth… A woman was waiting for a manicure in the waiting room. I came into the room and she had out her false teeth (upper plate) and was licking them, concentrating on the channel which goes over the gums. I thought perhaps she hadn’t seen me come into the room. However I walked right past her and a few minutes later she removed her teeth again and did the same thing. I thought I was going to be sick. Do you think she saw the commercial on TV and thought it was acceptable behaviour?”

     -T. Gordon, Spa Owner, Orillia

Congratulations T. Gordon!

It was, however, a close race and we would like to share a couple of stories that really stand out:

"I was attending a conference in a 5 star hotel and enjoying the plenary breakfast with a table of other attendees. One guest used her knife to help herself to some jam in a dish on the table. She spread it on a croissant, licked her knife clean and then took more jam from the dish with the same knife. Needless to say, from that time on I only use jam if it is in portion packs."

     - M. Neville, Meeting Coordinator, Edmonton

"A good friend of mine and her new husband came to visit me for a few days from out of state. I don’t know her husband very well and for no particular reason I have never really liked him. He asked me if he could use my computer to check his email. Of course I said no problem. As my friend and I had not seen each other for quite a while we had lots to catch up on so I didn’t notice how long her husband was on the computer but it was quite a long time. I thought that was rather rude but I didn’t say anything. A few days after they had gone I checked the history on my computer and found he had been visiting porno sites all that time. I am really ticked. Bad enough he did this, but on my computer! I am in a very awkward position and wonder if I should tell my friend. The only good thing is now I have a really good reason for not liking him."

     - C. Graham

Thank you readers for your submissions to Ruder Than Rude. We love hearing about your “ruder than rude” encounters, so please continue to send them in. We will be collecting submissions for another contest from this issue through Volume 2, Issue 12. Stay tuned for contest details next issue.

It’s All About Respect

“Can you open the door for me, please? Excuse me, may I see what you’re reading? Jack, I really like the way you tried to be quiet while I was on the phone. Thank you.” When teaching our children to respect adults, teachers and friends we must model the vocabulary and social awareness we wish to impart. As busy parents and non confrontational adults, some of us have lost focus on a real solution to combat bad manners in our society. Modeling and asking for compliance. Manners are a way of behaving; being nice to each other. Parents should focus on setting the boundaries and giving examples of good manners; making a daily effort to model them and insisting the children make it part of their routine. Automatic responses should include please, thank you, excuse me, may I and pardon. Children and youth should know the importance of a smile, how to greet someone by name, when to hold a door, how to be patient in line and when to take off their hat. If we model what we expect them to learn while children are still young, it becomes natural for them and not something they struggle to learn. If you have teenagers, all is not lost! Making a conscious effort combined with a system of rewards and consequences can help your young adult become more confident, natural and well mannered in a very short time. Gathering the family for 3-5 dinners a week where manners can be modeled and practiced is a fun and easy activity for the whole family. Bon appetite!

- by Paula Wilhelm

Upcoming Events

Stay tuned for dates of Louise’s appearance as the Etiquette Coach
on the W Network’s hit show “Style by Jury”

Next in Protocol Power...

We will focus on business etiquette and office etiquette. Including networking strategies and business travel. We will also be continuing our regular feature on children's etiquette with another article from one of our Etiquette Ladies Affiliates, Paula Wilhelm.