Tip of the Month

If you bring wine as a hostess gift, tell the hostess it is for her enjoyment on another occasion so she isn't put on the spot to serve it with dinner. Similarly, don't arrive at the door with flowers. This puts pressure on the hostess to find a vase and a place to put them, when she could be busy or greeting other guests. Send them ahead of time or the next day.

What Should I Wear?

Terms of Dress and What They Mean

For the man: Trousers and shirt, with or without a tie, with sports jacket or sweater.

For the Woman: Slacks or skirts in daytime fabric.

For the Man: Before 6:00 means a sports jacket and tie or a dark or light business suit.
After 6:00 means a dark or light business suit and a tie.

For the Woman: Before 6:00 means an afternoon dress or business suit.
After 6:00 means a very dressy afternoon dress or a short or long cocktail dress or suit

For the man: a dark suit.

For the Woman: Late afternoon dress or suit.

For the Man: a single or double breasted dinner jacket with a black silk bow tie—commonly called a tux.

For the Woman: Long or short evening dress or evening separates.

For the Man: Long black tailcoat and white pique bow tie - or equivalent military uniform.

For the Woman: Her dressiest long gown.

Dining in Style ~ Dining Etiquette 101

We all do it; sometimes in the privacy of our own home, sometimes in public, alone or with others. It is an activity necessary for survival but also a social activity that brings great pleasure. From that dinner on your lap in front of the TV, to the family gathering, to the company Christmas Gala, eating is part of our life. The rituals, rules and traditions surrounding how we perform this task are referred to as etiquette.

Never has it been more important to acquit yourself well when entertaining a customer or being entertained. How well you handle yourself at the dinner table, a party, or cocktails says a lot about who you are. Your manners reflect on the company you represent. It means knowing how to use the cutlery, eating your food with certain civilities kept in mind, and appearing at ease with those around you.

Picture this: you are invited to a dinner hosted by your company's CEO. Visualize yourself at the table with your manager, the company CEO, and your most valuable client or customer. You are engaging in pre-dinner small talk. The table setting is very formal and dinner is about to be served. You are very relaxed because you are confident you can handle yourself well in any dining situation and are able to focus on the conversation at hand.

The CEO picks up his napkin and you recognize this as the signal that you can now pick up your napkin. Although tonight your napkin is in the center of the service plate, you know that sometimes it is found to the left of the forks. You unfold it on your lap, below table level, and place it on your lap with the fold toward your waist. You glance at your place setting; it is a map to help guide you through the meal. You can determine the number of courses being served by assessing the silverware at your place setting.

Knives and soupspoons are placed on the right and forks are placed on the left. You are looking forward to dessert as you see a fork and spoon placed above your dinner plate. You know that liquids are always on the right and solids, such as a salad plate or a bread and butter plate are on your left. You are never confused about which is your glass or your bun because you remember the simple anachronism BMW. From left to right; Bread, Meal, Water.

You remember that silverware is used from the outside in. When the salad is served first, the salad fork is to the far left. When the salad fork and knife are placed next to the plate, this indicates that the salad will be served after the entrée (main course), before dessert.

Glasses are placed on the right in order of their use above the soupspoon and knives. The largest glass is the water goblet; the largest wine glass is for red wine and the smaller narrower glass for white wine. The sherry glass is a small short stemmed glass while the champagne glass is tall and narrow and located behind the water goblet.

You know to pace your eating so as not to finish your food before everyone else at the table. You are eating continental style, the more acceptable manner, with the fork in your left hand and your knife in the right hand. You know if asked to pass the salt, you always pass the salt and pepper together and you know if you were to pass any other items such bread you would pass it in a counter clockwise direction.

You stop eating briefly to rest and visualize the face of a clock. The resting position for your fork is at 2:35 and the knife at 11:25 crossed at the tips. You know that once you commence eating your cutlery will not touch the table again.

When you finish a course you place your fork and knife in the finished position at 10:20 with the tips of the fork and knife at ten and the handles at twenty. The tines of the fork are up and the blade of your knife faces the fork.

You need to leave the table briefly during the meal to visit the washroom. You say excuse me and you know you do not need to explain to anyone where you are going. You stand, place your napkin on the chair and slide the chair under the table. When you return, you seat yourself and place your napkin on your lap.

At last they have brought the dessert. Your dessert fork and spoon is above your dinner plate. The fork is in your left hand tines down and the spoon in your right hand. Your fork is used as a pusher and your spoon is used for eating the dessert. You know that if they were serving pie or cake you would just use the fork and leave the spoon in place on the table.

Your CEO removes his napkin from his lap and places it loosely to the left of his plate. You recognize this is the signal that the meal has ended. You have enjoyed this evening. Your manager is confident that you represent the company well and can handle yourself in any social situation. The CEO is considering sending you on an important assignment out of town to meet with senior executives of a sister company. You are grateful that you took the time to learn proper dining etiquette at a seminar given by Louise Fox Protocol Solutions.

To Review: Dining Do's And Don'ts:

Top Do's:

• Try a little of everything served to you unless you are allergic to it.
• Avoid talking with your mouth full. Take small bites and you'll find it's easier to answer questions or join in table talk.
• Wait until you have swallowed the food in your moth before drinking.
• Take a sip of water if food is too hot.
• Remember solids on your left, liquids on your right.
• Leave your plate where it is when you have finished eating with the cutlery in the "I have finished" position.
• Look into, not over the cup or glass when drinking.
• Butter bread on the plate, not in mid air.
• Remember posture at the table, sit up straight and keep arms and elbows off the table.
• Leave dropped silverware on the floor. Signal the waiter to bring another piece.
• If you find something foreign in your food, do point it out to your waiter in a quiet and unobtrusive manner.
• Remove objects such as a bone or gristle with your finger and thumb and place it on the rim of your plate

Top Don'ts:

• Don't in serving, overload you plate.
• Don't in eating, overload the fork.
• Don't mop your face with your napkin.
• Don't spread your elbows when cutting meat. Keep them close to your sides when eating.
• Don't saw meat in a back and forth motion, cut by stroking the knife towards you.
• Don't chew with your mouth open.
• Don't smack your lips.
• Don't touch your face or head at the table.
• Don't tip up the glass or cup too much when drinking but keep it at a slight angle.
• Don't reach for something across the table or in front of another person. If it's out of reach, ask the closest person to pass it to you.
• Don't pick your teeth at the table. Excuse yourself and do it in private.
• Don't push your plate away when you have finished eating.
• Don't gesture with your knife, fork, or spoon in your hand.
• Don't talk about your personal food likes and dislikes while eating.
• Don't eat your neighbors bread or salad.

If you follow these easy rules, you will never find yourself in the dining hall of shame.

Ruder Than Rude

We have all encountered rudeness in everyday life. Sometimes, however, there are situations which are so bad they are almost unbelievable. Here is your chance to tell the world about your most outstanding experience with rudeness.

20 Tips for Finessing the Cocktail Party

People often feel uncomfortable at cocktail parties because they aren't sure what to do or say. If you are invited to a cocktail party and want to be sure you are confident enough to enjoy yourself and handle yourself with grace, read the tips below:

1. Don't overload your plate. If you are extremely hungry find an out of the way spot, eat and then return to mingling. Remember that the objective of business and social events are to build relationships, not the food. Food is to take a back seat to the people around you. They are not having the event because you are hungry.
2. Stay away from hard to eat foods like chicken wings, lamb chops, messy ribs.
3. If you are standing up, don't eat and drink at the same time.
4. Hold your beverage in the left hand so your right hand won't be wet and clammy to shake.
5. If you are talking to someone who is continually scanning the room, move on.
6. Don't spend more than 5 or 10 minutes with anyone. The idea is to mix and mingle. You can always excuse yourself.
7. It is easier if you go with someone you know but don't spend the whole time with them.
8. Be respectful of personal space. Don't stand closer than 3 feet unless the room is very crowded.
9. When meeting a celebrity or highly placed executive take initiative to greet them, but don't overstay your welcome. Introduce yourself, say a few words and then move on. Don't monopolize their time.
10. Walk past a group to get a register of the conversation topic. If they are talking about politics, sports, computers, or some other impersonal topic, you've found a conversation you can join. Wear a pleasant look, make eye contact with 1 or 2 people, and listen to what's being said. If someone looks over and smiles it is usually a cue for you. If the topic is personal or about people you don't know, move on. If they make no move to invite you in, move on. Don't take it personally.
11. Avoid shop talk of the critical type. Loose lips sink ships.
12. Keep a close rein on alcohol. If you start feeling like a raconteur par excellence, you probably aren't.
13. Hold a wine glass by the stem. When the glass is empty, look for a side board where glasses are gathered. If you don't see one, ask the bartender or waiter what you should do with it. Thank him for taking it.
14. Don't tip the bartender unless it is a cash bar. Gratuities are built into the waiter's fee and leaving one puts staff in an awkward position.
15. If hors d'oeuvres are passed, take a napkin and have it in your hand under your plate. Do not take food directly from a serving tray and put it directly into your mouth. Instead put it on your plate or napkin. Don't eat, talk and drink all at once. Do one activity at a time.
16. What to do with toothpicks? Keep them in your napkin if there is not a receptacle.
17. Timing at business events should be fairly punctual, within 15 -20 minutes of the start time indicated on the invitation.
18. If you are in the reception line it is OK to have a drink but you should dispose of it before it is your turn to go through.
19. At large receptions if you'll be seated with strangers, it is a courtesy and sign of respect to introduce yourself.
20. It is only the most boorish guest who changes seating arrangements

To Give or Not to Give:
Tips for Gift Giving in Business

Nancy, a new employee was thrilled when one morning during her first holiday season with the company, a basket of fruit was delivered to her office. She felt welcome and valued. This changed however when later on, after talking with fellow employees, she discovered that the previous year they had all received a more elaborate and expensive gift. The fruit basket was the result of cut backs; a cost saving measure. Everyone was grumbling that "the writing was on the wall." Nancy wondered since she was the newest employee would she be the first to be cut.

Corporate gift giving can be a very tricky business. If not handled with care and forethought it can cause problems and generate more of the negative feelings it was perhaps designed to eliminate. This is true whether it is a gift from a boss to an employee, a company representative's gift to a client, or a gift between fellow employees. Gifts can be used appropriately to thank clients for business, to reward someone for a job well done, to celebrate a promotion or to commemorate a long term relationship. However, both etiquette and expectations enter the picture. When deciding what might be the most appropriate gift, both company culture and protocol must be considered. While some companies are known for their generosity, others try to avoid any semblance of what could be interpreted as bribery or undue influence and have strict guidelines limiting the exchange of any gifts.

Before giving a gift, consider the 14 Best Tips for Business Gift Giving:

1. Know the company policy for both sending and receiving gifts.
2. Avoid extravagant gifts. It is both poor strategy and in poor taste, and can also send the wrong message.
3. Send a group gift rather than an individual gift to bosses.
4. It is appropriate and considerate to send flowers or a card to a boss who is ill or in the hospital.
5. Avoid making holiday gifts explicitly religious.
6. When sending a gift to a customer on behalf of the company, avoid gifts that look like a promotional item and choose gifts that are conservative and well made.
7. Be cautious with humourous gifts unless you are well acquainted with the receiver and know he shares your sense of humour.
8. Always make a distinction between personal and professional gifts.
9. Purchase enduring gifts for significant events you want the receiver to remember for a long time.
10. Before giving wine or spirits know that the recipient has no moral or religious restrictions regarding alcohol.
11. Be sure the gift is properly wrapped and always enclose a card.
12. If sending flowers, avoid long stemmed roses which have romantic overtones. A potted plant or a cut flower arrangement is more appropriate.
13. If you receive a gift that is inappropriate or against company policy, compose a letter that focuses on the reason why the gift is returned rather than your personal feelings. Keep a copy in your files for your personal protection.
14. Global gift giving is subject to specific cultural norms and customs and the country involved should be thoroughly researched before any gift is given.

Remember it is better to give than to receive. When you give, you impart your everyday kindness to an action whose only goal is kindness.

A Legend in the "Hall of Shame"

Could you be nominated to the "Hall of Shame" this holiday season?

The legend of Suzanne, an executive assistant at a Bay Street brokerage firm, resurfaces every year in December. Ten years ago she was nominated to the ‘Hall of Shame' for her antics at the firm's celebration party. She hasn't worked there for nine years. Legend has it that alcohol, acrobatics, and some degree of nudity were involved.

"In the spirit of seasonal abandon and fueled by one too many drinks, men and women often place themselves in compromising positions of which actual sex is just one possibility", says etiquette specialist Peggy Post.

Crossing the boundaries of friendship with co-workers or superiors, inappropriate flirting, soul bearing and relatively innocuous laughing too loudly or too often, can raise eyebrows. Some view the company hosted party as the opportunity to show case seductive attire, outlandish dancing style, or record setting trips to the buffet. The next day in the cold hard light of the office, these seemingly innocuous adventures and inappropriate behaviors have lost their charm. Professional careers can be tarnished or seriously harmed as a result. In worst case scenarios individuals are dismissed and remembered forever in office legend.

Sometimes we forget that what we consider harmless enjoyment may be viewed as a lack of self control by superiors. They may think twice about considering a Hall of Shame graduate for future responsibilities or promotions down the line.

There are a number of things you can do to avoid finding yourself reluctant to show up for work after the company party.

• Control alcohol consumption and always have food when you are drinking. Women often neglect to eat the day of the party so that first cocktail can go right to their head.
• Don't make the mistake of believing that because you are off the premises your conversations are off the record.
• Treat bosses with respect just as you do at work. Don't suddenly resort to first names if this is not the norm.
• Don't air grievances, tell off colour jokes, gossip, flirt, or make passes.
• Avoid slow dances with anyone other than your spouse or partner. Woman may ask male co-workers or bosses to dance if others are dancing, but shouldn't dance exclusively or too long with one person unless it is their spouse.
• Don't be a party pooper, stay an appropriate length of time even if the party is dull. Look like you are having fun, but be on your best behaviour.
• Don't talk business if you can help it. Engage in small talk. Prepare yourself by reading the newspaper the day before and noting some topics of general interest.
• Don't coax an unwilling spouse to attend. Their resentful attitude will reflect badly on you.
• If you are taking your spouse as a guest, have a briefing before the party on any issues that should not be discussed.
• Send a thank you note to the party organizer. It is good manners and especially appreciated.

PARTY ON!
A Guests Guide to Avoiding Holiday Faux Pas

There is more to being a good guest than just saying; "Yes I'll be there." A good guest knows that yes means yes, because the seasoned savvy host is wise to those who hold off, waver, or renege when a better invitation comes along. The popular guest is often faced with this unfortunate dilemma during the holiday season when there are so many parties and so little time. Alas, there is no polite way to accept and then refuse an invitation without arousing your host's disappointment or suspicion. There is always the possibility of being found out. If you are witnessed elsewhere, footloose and fancy free, after telling a host that you are, "a little under the weather, methinks a touch of the flu," you are blacklisted forever and could do serious damage to your reputation, relationship, or career; yes means yes.

You could however take the political route, that is, arrange to attend more than one function in an evening. As tiring as it might be, with careful planning you could attend as many as three or four functions in an evening, particularly if they are business functions and don't take place in a private home. Ensure that you spend sufficient time at each function; speak to the host and other guests, and of course sample a few of the offerings. Then thank the host and without too much detail, explain you are sorry and unfortunately have to leave earlier than expected. Do not try to leave without saying goodbye. That is certainly very bad manners. Follow up with a hand written thank you note the next day.

Remember that in the aftermath, in party-less February and March, you'll be wishing an invitation would come your way.

Here are six faux pas to avoid if you want to be socially savvy:

1. Questioning why someone is not drinking or eating at a holiday party is not only inappropriate, it is also distastefully inquisitive. Refrain from asking friends and colleagues why they are not drinking alcohol. There are many reasons why people choose not indulge in alcoholic beverages. Some guests may be on a diet and they cannot eat the kinds of foods that are being served.
2. Forgetting to bring a gift for the host. When you are invited to a private party, bring a small gift. Be sure to attach a card to the gift so the host will know who brought it.
3. Bringing a surprise guest to a party without the host's permission. Most times, food and beverages have been planned with a specific number of guests in mind.
4. Not mingling. Do not wait for the host to introduce you to other guests. It is your duty to introduce yourself and mingle with other guests. Do not forget to stand when being introduced.
5. Bringing your children to a party. Unless they are specifically mentioned on the invitation; Ms. Helen Brown, Mr. Bob Brown and Miss Sarah Brown or The Brown Family or simply children welcome; children are not invited.
6. Over staying your welcome. Know that the time to leave is an hour after dessert is finished. Unless of course there is entertainment or a dance in which case if the music is no longer playing, it is definitely time to leave.