Welcome readers to the 6th edition of Protocol Power. I recently was invited to do a presentation on Dining Etiquette at an "Emily Post" fundraising dinner, at Innisdale Secondary School in Barrie. The money raised was for the DECA program, an international organization for students wishing to improve their chances of success by developing their business skills. They learn about leadership, public speaking, management, marketing, starting new businesses and international business issues. The Innisdale chapter of DECA has already produced one provincial champion and several award winners in competition and will be sending members to the DECA International Leadership Conference in the United States.
The students set up the auditorium, cooked a delicious buffet meal and MC'd the event. It was very rewarding for me to see such enthusiasm in the students and it was a wonderful evening for parents and guests.
These students are well on their way to success. They already understand the value and importance of etiquette and protocol intelligence. Their teacher, Mr. Paul Campbell, reported that the next day the students were telling others what they had learned and were giving them tips on etiquette: "You know, when you pass the salt you always pass the pepper with it!"
Kudos to Mr. Campbell for recognizing that his students would be empowered by exposure to etiquette training and for taking his own time to help organize this event. If you are interested in learning more about the DECA program contact phcampbell@mail.scdsb.on.ca.
Thank you to all those who contributed their suggestions and ideas for future newsletters. This month we will be dealing with some business etiquette issues. Test your own business etiquette in this month's quiz.
IN THIS ISSUE...
Tip of the Month
We can all think of clever things we could have said or done after an embarrassing incident is over. To have the necessary presence of mind when the incident occurs is a learned skill. Sometimes, a little self deprecating humour is the best way to recover from an embarrassing moment.
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Business Etiquiz
Answer each of the following questionsClick here to check your answers.
What percentage of the message that you communicate to someone is conveyed through visual appearance - 30% , 55% or 75%?
Business people who are current on news events are generally considered current on business issues as well.
In handshaking, a man should wait for the woman to extend her hand first.
Dear Sir/Ms. should be avoided as a salutation.
The person you most want to honour is always mentioned first in an introduction. Gender is not a consideration.
Sit as close to the leader as protocol permits.
Who goes through the revolving door first, the host or the visitor?
If you arrive early to a meeting you should take a seat wherever you like.
On an overseas trip you are served some food you find unappetizing. It is ok to refuse it as long as it is done with courtesy.
Taking notes at a meeting is rather rude because you have to break eye contact to do it.
A woman and man of equal corporate status walk down a corridor. She comes to the door first and he moves to open it for her, she objects. Where is the faux pas?
When presented with a business card you should look at it and comment.
Use of silence is a powerful way to establish presence.
If you are disconnected near the end of a phone call it is not necessary to call back as long as the other person was finished talking.
If someone is on the phone when you enter his or her office, just take a seat and wait quietly.
If you are calling a business associate you speak with fairly regularly you can skip identifying yourself.
If you are invited to attend a social function that you don't wish to attend, a polite refusal is all that is required.
In some countries silence is used deliberately to indicate thoughtfulness or quite appreciation.
When invited to play sports with a client, be honest about your playing ability.
If you are disconnected on the phone it is the responsibility of the caller to redial?
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Business Etiquette
—What's That About?
Many of us grew up believing that somehow etiquette and manners were at odds with being yourself or being real. Manners were considered to be putting on airs. In the 70's, 80's and 90's people were confused about business etiquette, what it meant, and even if it was required.
The work place has changed dramatically in the last 20 years. There are more women in the work force and the chivalrous or chauvinist attitude that was once prevalent towards women is no longer acceptable. Today there is also a greater cultural mix, challenged employees, and advances in technology that have changed the way we behave and interact. Now people have realized that business etiquette is important and the old rules no longer apply. Although most breaches in etiquette do not immediately result in drastic consequences, the cumulative effect of repeated faux pas can be loss of respect, loss of reputation, and ultimately loss of business.
Having good manners in the work place means working with others so that you're a positive part of the work environment even when the environment is stressful, even when others aren't being helpful, and even when some people are being out and out rude. A well mannered person apologizes if he is having a bad day and he tries to do better. If someone's temper has to be mollified, the well mannered person tries to facilitate smoothing the ruffled feathers by whatever means are appropriate.
The prime directive in office etiquette is respecting other people. That means acknowledging that others have rights, are entitled to private space, and deserve consideration. A polite person is sensitive to differences in personality types and appreciates others diversity, and then acts on that knowledge. One of the keys to etiquette is paying enough attention to others to be able to modify your behavior to accommodate them.
Good manners are a show of respect. They humanize and harmonize business relationships and promote a powerful feeling of cooperation in the workplace.
Etiquette training increases productivity, worker satisfaction, worker retention, and business growth by helping everyone get along.
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Facing the Music
What? You did what? We have all made mistakes from time to time or had embarrassing experiences at work. Often it comes down to poor communication or inadequate or unclear instructions. Whatever the cause, it is paramount to find a solution to a problem rather than fixing blame. Worry about how to avoid making the mistake again after you have resolved the issue.
Mary was working as a front line customer service agent, a receptionist for a large multinational corporation. One afternoon when she came back from her break and replaced the relief receptionist, Mary found a large package under her desk. It was already addressed and ready to go. When a courier arrived at the desk asking for a pick up, Mary gave him the package. A few minutes later one of the senior managers and an important client left a board room and approached the desk. The client asked for the package he had left at the desk for safe keeping. OOPS!!!!
Mary didn't know what to say. She stammered and blushed and started making excuses for herself, blaming the relief receptionist for not telling her what the package was doing there.
What could she have done? First of all, never try to defend the indefensible. Mary could have accepted full responsibility for the mistake and she could have made sure that no one else was blamed or implicated. She could have been calm and professional showing that she was still in control of this unfortunate incident. Making eye contact while giving a sincere apology could have gained her some points. She could have listened, empathized with the client's frustration over the inconvenience and then offered an immediate plan to remedy the situation. Understanding proxemics and maintaining a respectful distance of three to six feet shows an awareness of the other person's personal space and anger. Staying oriented to the client's emotional needs first and then addressing the practical needs creates the best solution.
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Ruder Than Rude
We have all encountered rudeness in everyday life. Sometimes, however, there are situations which are so bad they are almost unbelievable. Here is your chance to tell the world about your most outstanding experience with rudeness.
This month I have chosen a couple of situations sent in by our readers which center around issues at work; those embarrassing moments you wish you could forget. A reader has asked that I comment on the submissions to "Ruder Than Rude" where warranted.
"I was up for an interview for a really great job and arrived a little earlier than I expected. I went to the ladies room to check myself out before checking in with reception. One of the stalls was occupied by someone obviously in need of Imodium. There was a whole lot of noise and a terrible smell. I almost heaved. I was just leaving when the lady came out of the stall. We had brief eye contact as I walked past her. Guess who was interviewing me later."
- H. Risholm, Marketing Sales Assistant, Toronto, ON
(Don't say a thing. Never make the embarrassment greater than it already is. LF)
"My manager at work tries to be chatty and friendly with me. Although I prefer to keep my personal life private, I feel I am obligated to listen to her. She is constantly whining about things like how her decorator chose the wrong color of silk for the living room curtains, her gardener trimmed back the magnolia tree too much, her personal trainer is late for sessions, her cleaning lady doesn't do a good enough job, and her nanny over cooked the shrimp. I am barely getting by. Why is she doing this? Is she just trying to make me feel inferior? I bite my tongue and usually just laugh it off."
- F. Henderson, Administrative Assistant, London, ON
(Pointing out obvious discrepancies in socioeconomic status is snobbish and rude and rarely impresses anyone. Instead of getting someone on the same page it widens the distance. "Why are you telling me this? Is there something I can do to help?" might be an appropriate comment. LF)
Enter our "Ruder Than Rude" Contest. Click here to send us an email of your best "Ruder Than Rude" experience. There will be a prize of "The Little Giant Encyclopedia of Etiquette" by Michael MacFarlane to this year's top story.
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On the 'QT'
Every company has proprietary and confidential information that could be harmful to your colleagues or the company if you were to divulge it. Often confidentiality clauses are written into employee contracts or discussed in employee policy manuals. Sometimes employees are clear about confidential documents or business information, but forget that information they know about people may also be confidential. You may be party to information you'd rather not know. What then?
There are some things to keep in mind:
- First of all, know who is authorized to discuss confidential matters and only discuss these matters with them.
- Always speak quietly or in private.
- Do not leave confidential material on your desk or allow others to peruse your desk. If you are in someone else's office, resist the temptation to pick up material from their desk or read their computer screen.
- Even if you're tempted to, don't share all the details from work with family members or your spouse.
- If someone quizzes you about confidential information, advise them it is confidential information and you cannot divulge it, or simply say "why do you ask?"
- If someone begins to share information with you that you know could put you in a compromising position, stop them and ask them if, given your professional relationship, they really want to tell you this. If it does get blurted out, your best recourse is to keep quiet about what you know. If this person does this on a regular basis, you may consider discussing it with his or her boss.
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Trolling at Work
It's called trolling at the office; seeking a relationship with someone at work. Given the number of hours people devote to their careers it is natural to look for dates or potential spouses at the office. Statistics show that almost half of all marriages are a result of meeting at work. Not everyone has the time or energy it takes to look elsewhere to meet someone. Afterall, it's like having your dates pre screened for you; if your company, who employs a high caliber of individual such as yourself, saw fit to hire this person, it's a pretty good start.
Before you proceed down this path, check on the company policy on fraternizing. Although a "no fraternizing policy" is difficult for any company to enforce, it is better for you to know in advance and make an informed decision.
If you meet someone you are interested in, it is advisable to get to know the person on a professional basis first. What once may have been considered harmless flirting could be easily misinterpreted if the person is not available or not interested. If you are both single and you think your interest won't be immediately shot down, it is acceptable to ask him out for a drink. If the answer is "no" and the person is obviously not interested, let it drop.
If you are the recipient of unwanted attention, be up front but considerate of the other person's feelings, and say you are sorry but you just aren't interested in having a relationship other than a professional one.
If dating is permitted, leave the romance out of working hours. Avoid having frequent lunches together, mushy scenarios, obvious public displays of affection, lounging around each others cubicle, frequent phone calls and planning of social events during work hours. Racy or mushy e-mails, like all e-mails, are the property of the company.
Always be careful if the apple of your eye is of higher or lower rank than you are. In such instances any future promotions could be viewed as favouritism. If the relationship goes sour, there is a risk that the person of higher rank could make life miserable for the person of lower rank.
In any case, be discreet and if things don't work out, maintain your professional presence and move on.
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