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Tip of the Month

Entertaining does not have to cost a lot. Time, imagination and creativity can substitute for money spent.

Test Your Social Savvy

Click here to check your answers.

1. It is permissible to arrive at a company social event 15 minutes late.
   True. You can respectably arrive within 15 minutes of the expressed time on the invitation. The old rule of arriving fashionably late (an hour or more) is no longer in fashion.

2. Attending business social functions enhances professional presence.
   True. Business social events are a good opportunity to network and get to know colleagues on a more personal level.

3. If you must leave a business function early, you don't need to advise anyone.
   False. You should say thank you and goodbye to the host.

4. If invited to be a guest at a cottage you should come prepared to entertain yourself.
   True. Cottage life is very laid back, bring a good book.

5. If you are invited to play sports with a client, always be honest about your playing ability.
   True.

6. If you are a guest at a cottage, you should inquire about the plumbing before taking a shower.
   True. Many cottage systems have holding tanks for grey water so long showers are not considerate.

7. If you are an overnight guest in someone's home, you should give a gift to your host as well as a hand written thank you note.
   True. A token of your appreciation is always appropriate and will be well received.

8. It is inappropriate to ask someone how much an item costs.
   True.

9. Entertaining in your home is a good way to show your customers or colleagues they are very valued individuals.
   True. Entertaining in your home or cottage shows others the personal side of your life and shows your guests you are safe and secure enough to share that part of your life. Because it takes a good deal more effort that entertaining outside the home, it also shows you are willing to spend that precious commodity, time, to make their experience enjoyable.

10. If you are a guest at a cottage you should be prepared to chip in with meals and other chores.
    True. Even though you are a guest, remember your hosts are on holidays too. It is considerate to offer to help wherever you can.

Come Again: Cottage Etiquette

"All our house guests bring happiness; some by coming, some by going," said Peggy Moreton, owner of a lovely water access log cottage on Georgian Bay. Peggy has welcomed guests for over 40 years. "I love entertaining, but cottage entertaining brings special challenges. You have to be organized if you are to provide a pleasant and memorable experience for your guests without tiring yourself out. The location of our cottage, 20 minutes by boat and then 30 minutes by car to the nearest shopping center, means you can't be running back and forth to town for things you may have forgotten. If you run out of something, you're out until next time."

Guests, too, have to do their part to make the visit enjoyable. Peggy has observed that guests who have never owned a cottage or rarely visit one, aren't aware of some of the considerations. "They take a lot for granted," she laughed, "leisurely showers and laundry facilities are out of the question. I think you should write an article on cottage etiquette," she said, "On behalf of all cottage owners and future guests."

This sentiment was echoed by Jon De Veth, a cottage owner on a Brandy lake in Muskoka. "People admire my cottage but they don't seem to realize that it is my hard work that got it looking this good, and my continual maintenance keeps it this way," he noted. "Guests come expecting to be entertained and doing something the whole time they are here. This is my holiday too. I like to relax, work around the cottage, have a swim, go canoeing, or just take it easy," he said, "Good conversation is an important part of the guests' entertainment."

If you are a city dweller lucky enough to garner an invitation to a friend's cottage this year, here are a few tips to ensure your first visit is not your last.

• Don't bring too many personal items as space may be limited.
• Bring a supply of new magazines or some favorite paperbacks you can leave behind.
• Bring your own beach towels, amenities like soap, shampoo, sun screen and perhaps even bedding or a sleeping bag. (Ask your hostess)
• Don't expect to be entertained every minute. People go to cottages to relax and/or do maintenance chores. The entertainment is just being there. Never say "I'm bored." "What is there to do?" "What are we going to do now?" or "Where can we go?" Remember that the host has no control over the weather. Wear a smile rain or shine.
• Expect to do a certain amount of chipping in. Chores could be anything from putting in the dock, preparing a meal, shingling the roof, or washing dishes.
• Don't leave wet towels or bathing suits on the bed or lying around. Hang them on the line.
• Don't expect to have a shower everyday. If you are on a lake, you are expected to use the lake to refresh yourself at least part of the time.
• If you have shower, make it a quick one. Your host may have a septic tank rather than a septic system. A tank requires frequent service and grey water and sewage have to be pumped out by a service company. A 20 minute shower can fill the tank and ruin it for others.
• Expect mosquitoes and bring your own bug spray. Your host may not have a limitless supply. Avoid incessant complaining; bugs are an unavoidable part of cottage life.
• Don't bring your cell phone or at least have it turned off if you do. Don't expect it to work. It is often difficult to get a reliable signal.
• Don't expect to watch your favorite television programs. Television may not be available. Some cottages have no electricity and their owners prefer it that way.
• Bring your own flashlight. There may be an outhouse or you may want to check the yard for skunks, bears, or just uneven ground.
• Before lighting a fireplace ask the hostess about the fireplace drafts and how they work. Don't use up the cottage supply of wood without asking, and be sure to replace it from the woodpile.
• Bring the ingredients for one meal. It is a nice gesture to prepare it for other guests and hosts. This is particularly important if your host is at a water access only cottage where fresh foods may be difficult and expensive to obtain.
• If you have a favorite libation, wine or cocktail, bring the ingredients and be prepared to share. If you prefer bottled water to drink, bring your own.
• Ask your hostess about breakfast arrangements. Some will have a continental breakfast set out for a period of time, others will have a breakfast time and everyone is expected to eat together. Find out and play along.
• Leave "I'm a fussy eater" at home. If you have special dietary requirements, bring your own supplies. Your hostess may not have ready access to vegetarian or any other specific dietary items.
• It is best not to bring a pet. But, if you absolutely must, ask permission before hand and ask if other pets will be present. If your hostess allows you to bring Fido, be prepared to totally take care of his needs. Remember, no begging at the table, no licking plates, no leftovers for the dog, no dogs on the furniture, and be sure to clean up after him. Remember, not everyone loves Fido as much as you do.
• Never bring children unexpectedly. If the invitation is directed to you and your partner alone, expect that this invitation does not include your children. Some cottages may not be suitable for children. If you bring children, with your hostess' permission, remember that you are the one who must control them and look after their specific needs; including their entertainment.
• If the cottage is in an isolated area, don't wander off or go exploring without telling someone your plans. It is easy to get turned around in the woods so take a compass and ask about what wildlife you might encounter.
• Be prepared to witness or participate in family traditions, games, campfires and family reminiscing. Parlor games, cards and board games such as Monopoly, Clue and Balderdash are de rigueur.
• Many cottages have a guest book. It may go back 50 years or more. Ask your hostess if she has a guest book and think of something profound, thoughtful and wonderful to write in it. This is part of cottage history. If she doesn't have a guest book, this is the perfect thank you gift.
• Always remember to send a hand written thank you note to your hostess. At this time you might accompany it with an appropriate gift for the cottage: a hard cover best seller for the cottage library, a coffee table book which relates to the area, a new photo album with some of the shots taken during your visit, a meaningful contribution to family memorabilia or cottage kitsch, or something useful for the kitchen. (Bringing the makings of a meal does not constitute a hostess gift.)
• Remember, guests are like fish, after four days they start to stink. Don't overstay your welcome!

Why Do You Ask?

Some of you may remember Art Linkletter of Radio and TV fame who wrote "Kid's Say the Darndest Things". Well, I'm thinking of writing a book "Adults Ask the Darndest Questions." Sometimes people are just trying to be friendly and don't realize their excessive inquisitiveness is unacceptably invasive. But others just don't know any better than to ask questions you have no interest in answering or to engage you in conversation topics you would rather not discuss. Those personal, inquisitive, intrusive, rude questions or subjects that are none of their business.

Some questions I have personally been asked recently: "Is your hair dyed? Do you do it yourself?", "Bling, Bling. Is that a real diamond?" "I called you on your cell phone. You didn't answer. Where were you?" (Asked by a coworker after hours) "You are older than I am, aren't you?" (Asked by someone at least 15 years my senior, oops!) "Is that a new car? How much did you pay for it?" "How can you afford a cottage? Are you rich?" "Why aren't you eating? Are you on a diet?" "You don't need to work do you?" "I haven't seen that (dress) before where did you get it and if you don't mind my asking how much was it?" It seems that people believe if they say "if you don't mind my asking" then it is OK to ask any question, rude or not.

There are occasions when you might be taken by surprise or on the defensive, and find yourself answering the question before you know it. You may feel you are obligated to answer. You aren't. Later you'll probably think of all the things you might have said. I find just saying "Why do you ask?" or "Why do you want to know?" accompanied by a smile usually stops people in their tracks while I try to think of something clever. The surprised look with raised eye brows, a blank stare and no response, actually works well too. Each has advantages and disadvantages.

Here is a list of topics to avoid:

Someone's medical status, how much someone weighs unless they are a newborn, anyone's age unless they are under twenty, what size someone wears unless they are an infant, someone's financial status unless he's your husband, anything to do with someone's sex life or orientation unless you are planning to marry them, the price paid for something unless you are paying the bill, the terms of someone's divorce or marital status, if someone has had cosmetic surgery, whether someone dyes their hair or wears a wig or hair piece, and if the rumour you've heard about them is true.

Of course there are many others. Before asking a nosey question, ask yourself, "Is this something I need to know?" and why? Ask yourself if this is something you'd want someone to ask you. If it makes you uncomfortable, then bite your tongue.

Ruder Than Rude

We have all encountered rudeness in everyday life. Sometimes, however, there are situations which are so bad they are almost unbelievable. Here is your chance to tell the world about your most outstanding experience with rudeness.

Everyone Into the Pool!

Summer time and it's pool party time! Sometimes company execs or colleagues throw a pool party to provide a more relaxed environment to establish camaraderie and develop a little out of the office team building.

It's many women's nightmare. If you have a great toned body with no dreaded cellulite or excess fat, which means you are about .0005 percent of the population, you will be stared at in jealousy, adoration, or lust by the rest of the office. Remarks will be made either to you or behind your back which could make you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or victimized.

The rest of us, who are not pageant material, will be displaying our half naked not so great bodies before every man in the office who prior to this has only ever seen the skin on our face, our hands and our legs from the knee down.

Either way it's a no win situation.

If you are a man with a Molson muscle and skinny legs you will also be given the once over by the rest of the group. Generally speaking men are not as self conscious as women, and may not feel quite as scrutinized, but most out of shape men will admit to feeling a little uncomfortable.

What should you do? You can attend the party wearing a nice summery outfit that you feel comfortable wearing in front of your peers. You can enjoy yourself without getting in the pool. Polite people will not ask why you are not in a bathing suit. If you are quizzed you can answer; "I'm not much of a pool person" or "I don't feel like swimming today, thanks".

If you are attending a resort where there are lots of activities centered around the beach, buy a well fitting suit and a cover up to wear to and from the beach.

Meeting Etiquette:
Ten Tips to Make You a Meeting Maven

I was presenting a seminar in Saskatoon recently and met an old friend I had worked with years ago when I was a provincial consultant with the Department of Social Services. She is still with the department so we had lots to chat about. "What did you do at work today" I asked her. "Not much" she said, "I didn't accomplish a thing, I was in meetings all day!" Her comment took me back to the days when we all grabbed our coffee and cigs and holed up in a board room for a day of brainstorming (and smoking) with no clear objectives and no agenda. At the end of the day I often wondered as she did, what did we really accomplish? Now that I am not a government employee I can joke about whether we were actually supposed to.

Meetings have been the butt of jokes for years. People wince when they hear the word meeting. What do you do if you don't know what to do? If you're lonely? If you want to show who's boss? If you want to seem diligent without actually doing any work? You have a meeting! Meetings are considered to be among the top ten of time wasting activities!

Sometimes, as my friend experienced, the bad reputation meetings have is well deserved. However, if you practice meeting etiquette, whether you are the planner, the chair, or a participant, you can be an asset to your organization by conducting effective and productive meetings. Here are some tips to help make your meetings successful.

• Define your purpose, goals and objectives. You need a clear purpose for a successful meeting so ask yourself what you hope to accomplish and if a meeting will help you accomplish this goal. A meeting is a good way to disseminate information, but if you aren't interested in others' opinions or don't want to generate discussion perhaps you shouldn't hold a meeting at all. An e-mail may be more efficient.
• Before the meeting, prepare an agenda. Include the location of the meeting, the start and end time, a list of all the desired attendees and the purpose of the meeting (i.e. To Finalize Marketing Plan 2005). Outline what topics you will cover, who should be prepared to handle each subject and a time estimate for discussion of each topic. If you are chairing the meeting, the agenda puts you in the driver's seat. Distribute the agenda to participants before the meeting so they can come prepared.
• Prepare the meeting space in advance and start and end the meeting on time. Practicing civility in the workplace means you respect everyone's valuable time. Don't delay the meeting waiting for late comers. If there are late comers, don't waste everyone's time repeating what you have already covered. You or some other sympathetic soul can fill them in at the end of the meeting.
• Familiarize yourself with some of the basic steps of procedure in "Robert's Rules of Order." Even if you hold fairly informal meetings you still must follow some basic procedures for discussion, recognizing who has the floor and reaching and implementing decisions.
• Keep the discussions on topic and stick to the agenda. If new topics are brought up they can be tabled for another meeting.
• Provide direction for future action by taking minutes of the meeting or appointing another person to do it. Record the major conclusions, decisions and action assignments as they occur and who is responsible for carrying out the action.
• Support and include all participants. Encourage participation by all, one conversation at a time. Welcome diverse input and maintain a positive open atmosphere. Don't interrupt other speakers or ridicule their opinions either verbally or by snickering, rolling your eyes, sighing and such.
• If you can't stay for the entire meeting let the chairperson know in advance and leave quietly at that time.
• Debrief before the meeting adjourns by repeating each decision made and follow actions assigned including the time frame for these actions.
• If you are the planner or chairperson, thank everyone for attending and for making contributions to the discussion.

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Next in Protocol Power...

The next issue of Protocol Power will deal with office protocol and business travel tips.